Thoughts on Coming Out

The New Year is a big time for people to come out to friends and family. And this year is even more momentous because of the repeal of the ban on gays in the US military. While the logistics may take a bit of time, there are millions of people who no longer have to lie about who they are. Who are free to love who they love. And how can it possibly be a bad thing to have a little more honesty and love in the world?

I have had a few friends in my life “come out” to me. I use quotation marks there because they may have thought they were revealing some big secret, but I had long had my suspicions. I just never brought it up because I figured they hadn’t come to terms with it yet and they would eventually. Frankly, I never really cared that they were bisexual, homosexual, asexual, pansexual, or what have you. I liked them because they were interesting people. One was interested in theater, politics, and world travel. Even in high school he was active in politics and during our junior year, he participated in an exchange program in Germany. It was after experiencing the freedom of being a stranger there that he told me that he was bisexual. He went on to be a teacher in Mozambique. How frickin’ cool is that? And since he’s come back to the States, he’s married his long-time partner, taking advantage of the few places in this country where he can freely do so. Another was a girl I’ve known since about the first grade. She played cello, liked classical music, science fiction, and we were in Brownies, Girl Scouts, and Color Guard together. She loved musical scores. And although we have since lost touch, she was always a fascinating person to be around.

And while I may be an Army wife, I never married a soldier. I married a skinny punk rocker and when the economy tanked, the Army began to look awfully promising. First and foremost, we’re both liberals. We both grew up in the same diverse city with a wide variety of friends of every color, creed, and sexual orientation. And by and large, the Army has been something of a haven on that front. We’ve run into bigotry. I can’t deny that. And at times it has been shockingly strong (my husband has developed a certain wariness of soldiers from Arkansas based on the bile that has spewed from the mouths of those he’s met).

But we’ve also met with a sort of shoulder-shrugging acceptance of all differences that I think is unique to the military. Most people seem to figure that if you do the job and do it well, they couldn’t give a shit what you look like, what deity you believe in, or who you want to sleep with in your free time. And that gives me a lot of hope. 

~Lizzie